Framed to Perfection XX

YOJU TOSHI (1987)

Director: Yoshiaki Kawajiri

Cinematographer: Kinichi Ishikawa

While also partial to the twee pastoral works of Hayao Miyazaki, I generally prefer my anime heavily steeped in science fiction of the obscene kind. You know, from that 1975-1995 sweet spot. Few directors seemed to giddily revel in such taste extremes quite like Yoshiaki Kawajiri. Unfortunately, his work has become more family-friendly as time has gone on, with Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust and Highlander: The Search for Vengeance being somewhat toothless.

Yoju Toshi, or “Wicked City” in the west, is the sort of anime you definitely hid from your mum back when you were a teenager. It was probably debuted in the UK on Channel 4, as such challenging content usually was back when I was a kid. It doesn’t seem to have been particularly censored by the channel either, as nothing stood out as terribly new when I purchased my Blu-ray copy in recent years. Saying that, the tentacle-mouth-penetration bit probably now goes on a little longer. The BBFC seem to believe removing a second here and a second there will save our souls.

Oh the tiresome hypocrisy of censorship.

The tone of Wicked City is meant to pay homage to old black-and-white film noirs of the 1940s and 50s, albeit with a much-wickeder edge to the goings on. It starts in a very subdued manner, almost as if you’re being dropped into the middle of a story. I’d need to consult more researched souls to find out whether the cheesy English dub is authentic or not, as there’s a chance many older dubbing used the “Magic Roundabout Method”. This is my reference to the vintage stop-motion show from France, which the English distributors couldn’t be bothered to get professionally translated, so they just made it up as they went along.

Cheeky fuckers.

I suppose I use such a method as I watch foreign films nowadays, having neither the eyesight nor time nor patience to stop-and-start each work in order to read what’s being said. My assumption is that there are only so many permutations of human interactions possible, so I can figure stuff out through context.

Wicked City is one of those bad English dubs I really enjoy, so I don’t listen to the original Japanese track. Things occasionally do feel wrong in the dialogue, so I try to keep an open mind about it all. I do love the voice of the frisky Yoda-type character, Mayart, who certainly wouldn’t fly in today’s feverishly-conservative society. We can’t expect viewers to separate fiction from reality themselves now, can we?!

I don’t like the word “from”. It looks so untidy. I’ll scour some other languages and pick an alternative. I’m sure that won’t annoy my readers!

Uhhh, what am I writing about?! Oh yes! So, I picked the shot above due to its bizarrely cosy nature. I mean, we’re in slick Tokyo amidst a war between humans and demons soaked in shootouts and boobs and car chases and more boobs and monster fights and even more boobs. Then, for a brave amount of time, Kawajiri plops us in a “psychic hotel” that looks more like a sleepy English bed and breakfast from the 1800s. The hotel’s sparse security personnel, including our nice-but-dim beefcake protagonist, quietly play chess as calmly await an inevitable attack by extremist inter-dimensional demons.

Say whaaa?!

The shot is delightfully framed, with warm but eerie lighting and a hint of M C Escher thrown in there to creep us out just that little bit more.

The whole film has tonal crossed-wires all over the place, but I like it. It takes its damn time, and you just know a live action remake would be faaar slicker but less interesting. Probably starring Scarlett Johansson. Who’s fine . I’m not going to bitch about the woman. She seems like a nice enough person In fact, I enjoyed the Ghost in the Shell remake more than I did the Blade Runner sequel. Now there’s a blog post I never-but-should-have written. I guess.

I still could.

Well, I believe I’ve prattled on for long enough, so I’ll leave you there. This is almost review length! I think I’ve worked that anxiety-inducing diabetes medication out of my system, although a third heatwave struck South Yorkshire last week, so I’ve been doubly messed-up of late. I’m sure I’ll be back up to speed once autumn hits. The raving lunatic in the flat below me has started screaming out of his windows at invisible persecutors too, so that’s another extra stress I could do without in my life.

Who on Earth do you call about that?!

Probably a taxi out of here, I guess.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

Intermission III

A type of medication my body reacts negatively to has caused a significant rise in my anxiety. Over the past couple of weeks, I have just been existing from day-to-day, waiting eagerly to take a blood test relating to this medication so that I can stop taking it. Whether or not this secession is against doctor’s orders or not, I do not care. This is no quality of life. A nurse at my surgery said these aren’t normal side effects, but my body does not seem to behave as a “normal” body should.

If it did, my life would be so much simpler.

So, as you may have noticed, I’ve been somewhat quiet with regards to blog posting. I have nothing to say because, well, my brain has been scrambled by this exhausting level of anxiety. To stay calm, I’ve also been sticking to cosy and familiar media, so there’s really nothing for me to report on. I even keep forgetting to play guitar, even though it’s a little cooler now.

Hopefully, the medication will be gone from my system in a few days, as I stopped taking them on Thursday. As of today, Sunday, I’m still suffering from deep heart palpitations and irrational terror, which are all agonising.

But, hey, what is life without crippling depression?!

I hope to regain a modicum of mental health soon enough and begin posting more regularly. I believe you are overdue a [story corner] chapter, so I shall endeavour to get one written for you.

The below image is of a painted wall they recently uncovered at Pompeii, which reminded me that art and beauty is still out there. It also reminded me that the ancient world was more colourful than our drab, bleached-white marble impression of it leads us to believe.

Isn’t old stuff great?!

My mood is too low for my usual chipper sendoff.

I hope this lamplit and teary-eyed post finds you well.

JIM VS. GAMERA! - The Showa Era - Part One

In an effort not to turn this into a Gamera fan blog, I thought I’d present my thoughts on all further viewings bunched together as mini-reviews. This will be for your benefit and for mine. Mostly mine. And my sanity, which is fragile at the best of times. I’ll still work on the later Heisei series, but they’re taking something of a back seat for now. Or maybe it’d be nice to mix things up a bit. I’ll have to have one of my classic thinking sessions over the matter.

As mentioned in previous posts, I was introduced to Gamera through MST3K, who’s witty commentary over shorter cuts of the Showa series are actually some of my favourite episodes. As I passively enjoyed Joel and friends being total bitches during each movie, I started to notice that I actually liked what I could see. At least, what little I could see of their unflattering pan-and-scan versions. Could a pristine UK release even be thinkable?! Yes. As it turned out, it was.

It’s taken me forever to work out that the different eras of Gamera are denoted by the ruling emperor of Japan at the time, which is a truly bizarre way of doing things. I assumed “Showa” and “Heisei” were the production companies or distributors. Go figure. Would I divide British films up between Lizzie 2 and Chuck 3?! No, I would not. So, yeah, if I’ve gotten things wrong in the past, well, I’m really not taking responsibility for that perfectly reasonable misunderstanding.

There are eight films in the Showa series, which I’ll figure out how to divide up into these posts as I go along. Anyway, I’m too excited to get going that I’d rather not get bogged down in admin any longer.

Let’s hatch!

GAMERA, THE GIANT MONSTER (1965)

This debut entry actually felt shorter than expected. It is actually only 78 minutes long, which would be unthinkable nowadays. Surely, a Hollywood remake would be 3-agonising-hours too long. There’s a trick to giant monster or giant robot movies, which is to have the gargantuan stompers play second fiddle to a human story. Thankfully, The Giant Monster knows this all too well. Our plucky human characters seem to take the destruction of Tokyo, probably only just rebuilt after the Allies bombed it to shit during WWII, shockingly well. This is either a tribute to the hardy spirit of the Japanese, or simply poor characterisation at the hands of the film’s writers. I’m going to go with the former, as I’m in a generous mood. I guess these films were made back when people dusted themselves off a lot quicker than they would today. I watched this with the original Japanese language track on, instead of the cheesy English dub. I thought they might have at least included an updated translation, complete with more refined acting, but no. I remembered enough from the MST3K cuts to get by, however, so my enjoyment wasn’t lessened by not being bothered to read the subtitles. One vast improvement is the voicing of Toshio AKA Kenny. In the Japanese dub, he’s a more thoughtful and likeable soul. By contrast, in the English dub, he tips over into irritatingly petulant brat territory. I guess that’s what happens when you hire a disinterested adult woman to voice a sensitive little boy. The original actor, Yoshiro Uchida, is such an intense young performer, having only recently returned to acting after a 30+ year break. The model vehicles and buildings gave me warm flashbacks to Gerry Anderson’s marionette shows, and I’ll take models any day of the week over CGI. Gamera’s path of destruction was fun to watch, making me wonder how many times Tokyo Tower has been knocked over in live action and anime works. The end of the film crept up on me, as it lacks a rousing musical crescendo and quickened editing pace. It’s very matter-of-fact. No matter, as it’s all so good-natured that you just can’t get annoyed by it. An adorable beginning!

GAMERA VS. BARUGON (1966)

Up goes the budget and up goes the runtime! This one looks just gorgeous, which I perceived as being permanently-bathed in a mysterious golden light. Then again, I failed to notice the first one was shot in black and white, so that just goes to show how bad my eyesight has gotten of late. Sadly, this time around, Gamera vs. Barugon does feel its 100 minutes on occasion, with the opening half being dedicated to a Raiders of the Lost Ark/Treasure of the Sierra Madre-style conflict between three adventurers. This segment had the air of a regrettable Imperialist British adventure film from the early decades of the 20th century, which was either intended as wry homage or unfortunate imitation. I’ll give the filmmakers the benefit of the doubt and assume the former. We’re lucky to have Gamera reintroduced at the beginning, otherwise there’d be no action until 45 minutes in. Speaking of which, how does a giant, spinning, flying turtle, who’s whole world would usually be two feet in front of its fucking nose, understand what outer space is and how to navigate its way back to Earth?! Oh well, my disbelief has been adequately suspended by now. While we don’t get a cute kid to root for in this one, our lead adult humans do give it their all, despite the potentially-silly material. Kôjirô Hongô is disarmingly handsome and charismatic, having the air of Tony Leung about him. I was going to say “a young Tony Leung”, but East Asians do seem to age quite well. The powerful Kyôko Enami smoulders perfectly, with her look shifting from jungle princess to urban socialite with ease. Forget the two kaiju, she is the true centrepiece of this movie! The giant monster scenes were, alas, so gloomily shot that my vision was lost on them, so you will need to consult another reviewer for an adequate critique regarding these elements. They sound great though! I believe some nice models of Grade II listed historical monuments are smashed, however, which is cool. There are also two of the most beautifully awkward human punch-ups in cinema history here, featuring characters clearly unaccustomed to fighting. I like it when films do this. Let’s face it, we’d all embarrass ourselves if we ever got into an actual physical brawl. The finale suffers a little from the old “law of diminishing returns” problem, in which plan after plan to rid the world of Barugon fail, only to have Gamera conveniently get his or her arse into gear at the very last minute to do some heroic stomping. Whatever. All in all though, I was mesmerised by how pretty this film was, constantly forgetting that it was shot in the 60s. I genuinely mistook it for a period film on numerous occasions. If you find yourself troubled by the simplicity of The Giant Monster, then fear not, as things get more sumptuous with Gamera vs. Barugon. I can’t believe I just typed that!

Well, I think that’s all for now. I might break the final six films up into two posts, as I fear I will have less and less to say as the series goes along. But, hey, I’ll keep an open mind about it all.

I’ve enjoyed this so far, plus it’s nice getting back into some writing. My blog is still being hit by a suspicious number of views, which I suspect are still AI bots hard at work, but I’m done caring. Any blackouts from now on will just be down to my usual anxiety about life and exposing my feelings to the world.

Good times.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Tibby!

It's here...

…GAMERA!

Yes, folks, it’s time for some vintage Showa spinning-flying-turtle action!

After accidentally ordering the iffy 90s reboot and then failing to order this set directly from the distributor’s website, I finally managed to bag a copy of the original 60s kaiju masterpieces from a popular online department store.

I tried, Arrow Films. I really did try.

I also bought Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, but that’s a story for another day.

So, yes, after a week of being bedridden by a vague, flu-like malady, then another week suffering from crippling sleep deprivation, I feel I’m nearly ready to start putting finger back to keyboard. Hopefully, the arrival of the “proper” Gamera boxset will inspire me further.

I’m so, so sorry.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

Framed to Perfection XIX

KOZURE OKAMI MEIFUMADO (1973)

Director: Kenji Misumi

Cinematographer: Fujio Morita

One for the family photo album!

There aren’t many intense hero shots featuring both father and son in the Lone Wolf and Cub series, so this stood out to me. Sure, it’s hardly great art or worthy of much discussion, but dammit if they both don’t just look totally badass!

It’s also the “suiting up” moment before both men ride out to experience one of the best close-quarter fights we’ll ever get to see, that is until Die Hard with a Vengeance’s elevator shootout and Goldeneye’s radio telescop engine room punch-up.

Savour it!

This film’s centrepiece sequence is, of course, Daigoro standing up to clueless authority, at the expense of his own poor bottom. I would have captured a screenshot from this scene, but, due to certain wardrobe choices, I don’t think it would have been very wise to post it here.

I have only one more film to go in this boxset, then surely I shall move onto some other ultraviolent crapfest.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

Framed to Perfection XVIII

KOZURE OKAMI MEIFUMADO (1973)

Director: Kenji Misumi

Cinematographer: Fujio Morita

Ever have one of those days?!

Ha! Would love to see Ogami “Lone Wolf” Itto explain this one to social services.

Caseworker: So, Mr Itto, it seems you were witnessed running wildly through a private field into a filthy river wearing only revealing underwear.

Lone Wolf: …

Caseworker: And it seems you were pushing your toddler in his rickety baby cart at dangerous speeds.

Lone Wolf: …

Caseworker: All this whilst you were being chased by bloodthirsty samurai, who were all brandishing deadly weapons intended for use on yourself and your son.

Lone Wolf: …

Caseworker: In fact, you yourself were carrying multiple deadly weapons, some of which were found secreted about the blood-spattered baby cart.

Lone Wolf: …

Caseworker: Very well, Mr Itto, I believe I have all the information I need. I have decided that it will be in the interest of your child’s safety that we increase home visits from weekly to daily. These will include mandatory drug tests.

Lone Wolf: Reach for your sword.

Caseworker: …

So, yeah, that’s my little Lone Wolf and Cub fan fiction, for you!

Drive safely, kids.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

The Whittling Post Digest - Issue 19

Well, hopefully the weather is now cooling down for a longer period than the last little tease. I knew it’d be back! It was actually much, much worse over the weekend just gone. While I shouldn’t blame the weather on decisions I make, I did indeed use it as an excuse to have a drink. Oh well, as if there was anything else I could possibly have done with my time.

Which I believe was my logic.

Anyway, I only spent two days off the wagon, so I’ve still been touching base with culture, albeit at a much slower and sweatier pace.

Behold!

THE ELDER SCROLLS IV: OBLIVION

Blimey, I completely forgot I’d downloaded the remastered version of this video game over a month ago! I actually had it on the PS3, but gave up very soon indeed. Having already gotten into Skyrim, I found it to be just hideous and clunky. I believe this remaster is meant to iron out all the things I didn’t appreciate in its 2006 original form, which is exactly why I decided to give it another go. However, as with many video games, the introductory scenes are as dark and dismal and punishing as one can possibly make them, so I’m currently taking a brief hiatus from digging out of the dungeons of somewhere I’m sure is of great importance to the story. Cough. Sadly, the PS5’s accessibility features are more fiddly than the 3 and 4’s, so I’m struggling with Oblivion’s inventory screens, due to the fact that I am no longer able to invert the colours at a touch of a button. Well, so I believe. If anyone out there knows the controller shortcuts for this option, then do drop me a friendly line! I’ve already got the three-tier zoom function mastered like a boss, which itself has improved since the previous generation. Perhaps I should just shut up and RTFM, but who honestly has the time.

ULFULS

The other thing my Gamera 2: Attack of the Legion film experience gave me, besides a warm heart and a resurrected faith in humanity, was this great Japanese band that performs the song that plays over Gamera 2’s end credits. They’re basically a more-upbeat Say Sue Me, in that they record pastiches of 1950s rockabilly and surf music, but of course with a modern twist. They’re also mad as all-get-out and loads of fun! The singer sometimes tries a bit too hard, so there’s break-up in his voice that sounds unnatural and not very pleasing, but you get used to it after awhile. Their guitar parts are inventive and feature some thunderous tones, which I’m finding incredibly inspiring, I’m curious to hear which direction their sound goes, as they still appear to be rocking hard after 30 years. Aww, I’m always so happy when I find a new artist to get into!

PLANT SCIENCE

Yes, we’re doing this. As part of research I may end up never using for an active writing project, I thought I’d actually learn something about our friendly neighbour on Earth: nature! I know sweet-fuck-all about botany, but I’ve always suspected that I’d be fascinated by the subject, which would surely suck me in like Seymour to Audrey II. Did that work?! Oh who cares. The other thing I was concerned about, besides incomprehension, when approaching the subject of plants and other dirt folk is that, as strange as it may sound, I actually find flora kinda gross. I don’t think watching the film Day of the Triffids as an impressionable child helped this aversion, but it is a very real, erm, borderline-phobia. I mean, if you look really closely at plants, they are really yucky. Plus, if you were able to speed up their movements and physical processes, then you could describe them as downright horrifying. Luckily, the first resource I’ve turned to on botany has the plucky Catherine Kleier at the helm. What a massive nerd! So much so that I find myself laughing every few minutes at how, well, nerdy she is. Which is great, of course, as hearing someone being so enthusiastic about something they love is a joy in itself. I’ve not quite settled on which time of day to listen to this series of lectures from The Teaching Company yet, but I’ll get there. Is the subject too eerie for nighttime? Too icky for before dinner? Too icky for even after dinner?! I love standing in nature, I just get a dicky tummy learning about its… feeding.

GATHERING MOSS

I didn’t think a human being could talk for 5 minutes about moss, but apparently I was wrong. The second resource I’ve gone to about botany is this 12-hour epic on, you guessed it, moss. I actually whooped out loud when this audiobook, after I’d already bought and downloaded it, was recommended by Catherine the Nerd, whom I mentioned above. I haven’t gotten very far as yet, mainly because its author, Robin Wall Kimmerer, whilst very sweet, does actually sound like someone who has spent a lifetime interested in… moss. Her introduction is less inspiring and more, for lack of a better word, creepy. I’m sure she lightens up as she goes along, but I had my hands over my mouth in horror as she narrated, without any irony in her voice whatsoever, the opening pages of her book on… moss. Bless. I’m confident she’ll get into the swing of things, but, like with Plant Science, I just need to find the right time of day to engross myself in, erm, 12-hours of hardcore moss talk.

DUTCH SHORT STORIES FOR BEGINNERS

As previously mentioned in umpteen different posts, possibly to the annoyance of my readers, I’m casually learning Dutch. Why, you ask? Because it’s there! I spent a few years in the Netherlands as a kid and apparently picked up a fair amount of the language, but I have no memory of this. I still put it down to a natural skill with reading human behaviour, but I’ve been assured otherwise. So, just for shits and giggles, as they say, I thought I’d actually see if I can pick it up “again”. So far, I’ve just been listening to Dutch pop music and watching Dutch films, which is a good starting point, but now I feel like pushing the boat, or “de boot”, out a bit. Boy-oh-boy is the web filled to puking-point with condescending language aids. I need to be condescended to, of course, but I don’t want to feel like I am. This audiobook seemed like a nice middle-ground. It reads you a brief story in Dutch, then tells you the premise in English and translates a list of significant words that crop up. I didn’t want to say “keywords” there, as that might’ve been confusing. I think I’m on the third story now and not finding it particularly helpful at all. But that’s just me. As a companion project, I’ve also downloaded just a regular Dutch-language novel in audiobook form and am listening to it “blind”, then looking up words that stand out or get repeated. Just like I do with Dutch music and films. I’m on, like, the seventh chapter already, and really enjoying whatever the flip it’s about. Maybe I should check. So, yes, while a very good idea overall that will probably work for many, Dutch Short Stories for Beginners isn’t turning out to be great for me. I will keep at it though, as I have high hopes it will shine eventually. Check me out being all positive!

Well, I think that’s pretty good going for having suffered a month of heatwave attacks. With any luck, more culture and less sweating is to come. You have not truly met a grumpy arsehole until you’ve met me amidst thirty degrees centigrade. Sorry, I don’t know which button to press to get the little “o” and big… oh wait.

There should be more Lone Wolf and Cub talk to come, in some form or another. I know I discussed the series ages ago, but there’s always new stuff to discover in there! I also would like to make a second attempt at purchasing the original Gamera series by Showa. I just need to be in the right mood for dealing with such tiresome online crap.

Don’t we all?

Moss!

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!