The Whittling Post Digest - Issue 21

I’m very pleased that the weather is now much colder, as the three or four major heatwaves we experienced during the summer completely broke me. I’ve still not gotten back into playing guitar since the rise in temperature halted my recording efforts. The heat also makes me drink heavily, which I’m trying again to cut back on. As it turns out, switching from whisky to beer and wine hasn’t solved the problem.

Funny that.

So, yeah, I’ve been falling off the wagon for weeks at a time again. Sigh. At least I tried. I doubt I’ll stay sober forever, but I now know my true limitations and weaknesses, if you want to call them that. Still, the boredom I experience whilst indulging means I have more motivation to get clean and start doing joyful geek stuff again.

Which is where we arrive here.

THE SECRET TOKEN

A nonfiction book about the lost American colony of Roanoke. It’s not something we know much or anything about in the UK, because why would we?! It’s part of America’s history, not ours. Splitters! Although, technically, they were English citizens at the time. It’s a story I first heard about on a history podcast and decided I wanted to learn more. I guess I find tales of human endurance quite captivating, having already read books on the Chinese Long March and Ernest Shackleton. The mystery of the lost colony is apparently a subject that has been done to death throughout the field of historical academia, but one has to start somewhere with their own curiosity. I’m a few chapters into this book, by Andrew Lawler, and so far am very engrossed in the goings on. He has a very plain and engaging writing style, which I prefer for nonfiction stuff. Be too flowery and, well, you might as well just write a work of fiction. I shall let you know how I get on!

2064: READ ONLY MEMORIES

A video game I purchased years ago, but never got into it properly at the time. Then, the other day, I just fancied something that didn’t require too much eyesight to use. A retro 2D adventure game struck me as being just perfect! Plus it has cyberpunk themes, which is a genre I adore. I’m doing well with navigating it and getting into the habit of going around each location to look at all the items before talking to people or poking objects. Or poking people. I like its camp elements and wish I had a cute companion robot, or “ROM”, of my own. I often joke to friends that I have a fictitious “admin boy” who volunteers to come round each day and help me with my personal admin nonsense, the idea of which 2064’s “Turning” certainly embodies. I’m not too far in, having only just met up with my awesome lesbian detective friend, but I actually want to take it slow and savour it. You know, like a fine wine I’m trying not to drink. The game is certainly helping with the sobriety, as I’m losing hours over it. I believe there’s a sequel out there, but if you know of any similar adventure games that I should check out, then please let me know!

GREAT ARCHAEOLOGICAL MYSTERIES OF EUROPE AND THE MEDITERRANEAN

Another series of history lectures by The Great Courses, of which I now own loads and loads. The title explains it all really, although they’re not quite as fascinating as I’d hoped. It’s all interesting stuff, however, and I’m learning about archaeological sites that have completely passed me by. My favourite one so far is the Tollense battlefield in Germany, which hints at a greater civilisation in that part of the world, at that period in history, than previously believed. I’m probably a third of the way through the entire audiobook, so there’s plenty more to go. The lecturer, Karen Belinger, is just a touch too enthusiastic for my personal preference, sounding more like a hip young TED talk speaker than a nerdy archaeologist. But I guess you can’t have everything. Saying that, I found Bronx-born Egyptologist Bob Brier a bit much at first, and now he’s one of my all-time favourite people. Belinger seems like a genuinely nice person though, so her grating performing style isn’t a slight against her personally. Onwards!

GAMERA 3: REVENGE OF IRIS

I tried. I got halfway through this third in the Heisei series of Gamera films and just had to give up. It’s from the same director as the first one and so carries all the same agonising problems. If I slavishly wrote a long-form review for Revenge of Iris, as I did with the first two, I would just be repeating all the negativity I threw at 1. It’s just so boring and plain and lacking in any sort of vibrancy. How can a giant monster movie be so dry?! Well, this director has managed it twice now. Goodness knows who directs 4. Will I give it a go? Urgh, I’ll have a think. If something truly amazing happens in the last half of 3 that makes the tedium worth it, then give me a head’s up and I’ll try it again. I’ll hopefully get the third and finally Showa post to you asap. Alcoholism permitting.

FOUNDATION

I’m a fan of science fiction movies, but not really science fiction novels. I have tried to get into some though, but failed pretty much every time. I don’t know why. Perhaps I just find it something I prefer to experience through the visual arts. Still, Isaac Asimov’s Foundation is a notable classic, so I’m giving the audiobook a whirl. I find fiction easier to concentrate on when sitting up during the day, usually whilst gaming, with bedtime reserved for “gentle” nonfiction reading/listening. I’ve gotten into the street-level human goings on, having been in fear over the years that the book would feature a lofty narrative that isn’t very relatable. Like the cutscenes in a high fantasy RPG video game. Snore. To be honest, I still have no idea what Foundation’s overall story is about, I just know that it’s a must read. Hopefully I’ll get to the end and seek out the sequels, but my notoriously short attention span with fiction is not on its side. I may even check out the current TV series adaptation if I enjoy the book enough.

Well, that’s all I have to report for now. It’s Bonfire Night here in the UK, so things are going crazy outside. Fireworks are generally set off from Halloween to mid-January here, so it’s not the end of it. I’m just glad I don’t have a pet to witness getting distressed over it all.

Part of me is planning on drinking over the weekend and beyond, but the other part is encouraging me not to with all my cool hobby stuff. I’m hoping to fire up an electric guitar at some point, as acoustic jamming just isn’t inspiring me right now. I need musical fireworks, dammit!

While my interest in a lot of culture has been low of late, that may very well change soon enough. I do have a massive backlog of discs to try out, so there’s plenty to be getting on with once my motivation returns. I just need my cyclothymia to shift into the right position first, I guess. Such is my burden.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles! 

Framed to Perfection XXXI

KALLE BLOMKVIST - MASTERDETEKTIVEN LEVER FARLIGT (1996)

Director: Göran Carmback

Cinematographer: Peter Grönvall

A dull Swedish family adventure I stumbled across while tumbling down a YouTube rabbit hole, complete with proto-Harry Potter boy hero solving an alarmingly grown-up murder mystery.

Only on the continent, huh?

I wouldn’t recommend it, in fact I wish I could get the time back, but there are bizarre snatches of artistry in the editing and camera work, which I hope both crew members used on their showreels for more interesting work.

The film actually appears to be a regional cinema release, rather than a TV movie, which is shocking. Everyone onscreen looks as enthusiastic as the cast towards the end of a long-running drama series, with the pacing just as tired. Still, it provided some background foreign noise as I spaced-out in between hobby projects.

A faded comma in the history of cinema, for sure.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

Black Rain (1989) - a retrospective

“I usually get kissed before I get fucked”

Damn, I love this movie so much.

The second of Ridley Scott’s apology pieces after the tedious Legend (1985), including the equally great Someone to Watch Over Me (1987), Black Rain is a perfect little thriller with no fat on it whatsoever.

I remember, as a teenager, seeing a publicity still of Michael Douglas aiming a gun with a lorry speeding up dangerously behind him and thinking: “I need to see this film!!”.

Douglas is just one of those actors who’s so much fun when he gets angry. You know, along with Gene Hackman and Jack Nicholson. And there are plenty of examples of that in Black Rain.

While Jan de Bont is the credited cinematographer, this is clearly Howard Atherton’s film. The latter quit after finding the strict Japanese shooting laws too much, but his fingerprints are everywhere. I’m rewatching the film now and trying to pick out de Bont’s scenes, but it is difficult. The softer-lit karaoke scene and beyond does signal a handover though, with Douglas working with de Bont again a few years later on Basic Instinct (1992).

I feel as though this film has been swept under the carpet, due to political correctness concerns. But racism is what the film is all about. It’s not an unintentional subtext. Like the production itself, it’s about Westerners clashing with East Asians. Boom. That’s it. I see a lot of caucasian characters in anime, so why is it so bad for Americans to portray Japanese people? It’s not, but the matter is an easy target for armchair politicians.

I wish this was Kate Capshaw’s defining role, rather than Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984). Her feisty bar hostess is pitch-perfect, which just makes me want to see more of her. I guess I would take a backseat too if I had Steven Spielberg money coming in.

Hans Zimmer’s score is as awful and abrasive as all of his scores were around that time. He was rightly hated by the critical press. But, hey, the Scott brothers seemed to love him and now he’s winning awards, so whatever.

Andy Garcia acts like he’s only going to be in two-thirds of the movie, which is good, because he’s only in two-thirds of the movie. What a good sport.

I still don’t understand why Black Rain isn’t considered one of the greats. It’s exciting. It’s interesting. It’s beautifully shot by two DPs. It’s funny. It’s emotional. Decent copies are rare nowadays, so go for what you can. My Prime Video copy certainly looks prettier than the DVD I bought a couple of decades ago.

If you haven’t seen Black Rain before, then you are missing out.

Just shut up and watch it.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

ROLLING BLACKOUT 2: BLACKOUT HARDER!

Having activated the “Sensitive Content” warning for The Whittling Post, what with me now posting erotic short fiction, I believe AI search bots are now being turned away.

In one way, this is rather depressing, as it proves that I wasn’t gaining additional reader interest at all. In another way, it means I’m now able to see who my real viewers are, rather than just whatever Google is scanning to answer inane questions.

Mostly posed by me.

So, yes, I’m back to just a few minimal post-specific views a day, with “front page” views by bots unable to click the consent button. Ha! Take that, robot apocalypse!

If you run your own blog and have concerns about false stats or the copying of your work, maybe try adding an adult content warning yourself.

Anyway, back to writing bollocks for nobody…

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

Jim on Food: Tropical Garlic Turkey

Ingredients (in order of appearance):

Olive and Sesame Oil

Turkey Mince

Fish Sauce

Roughly Chopped Lemon and Lime

Celery

Asparagus

Radish

Green Pepper

Scotch Bonnet Chilli

Mushrooms

Powdered Spices: Black Pepper

Herbs: Mint, Basil

Garlic Puree

Bed of Leaf Spinach

Result: Mixed

This baby was meant to be much simpler than it turned out to be. The original concept was just a packet of turkey mince, some mushrooms, a spoon, and me crying as I gobbled the lot down in the dark.

So, where did it all go right?!

I had my low-carb shopping order delivered yesterday, so I realised I best get working on it, despite my humble desires. What resulted was a mountain of meat and veg and fruit. Or, as I call it: “A damn fine Saturday night in!”.

Did that work? I fear it did not.

My “mixed” response is due to me putting too much lemon and lime in and too late in the cooking process. I simply forgot, basically, and then panicked. Only using halves would have made it much less “gopping”, which is apparently not a real word. My family used it though, so whatever.

I’ve started adding garlic and herbs right at the end of cooking, even though this may offend many cooks out there. I know you’re supposed to add them earlier, so as to infuse the other ingredients with their flavour, but I find the potency of said seasoning is lost by the end. So, yeah, I stand by my rebellious technique.

Fight the kitchen power!

I’m hoping to get out to the chemist today, as I’ve now missed 3 week’s worth of diabetes and antidepressant medication. I’m not feeling too bad, but there may very well be stuff going on inside me that is irreparable.

We shall see.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!

Framed to Perfection 30

CINEMA PARADISO (1988)

Director: Giuseppe Tornatore

Cinematographer: Blasco Giurato

Uh oh, mum alert.

We’ve all had that look, although I remember once coming home late from whatever 8-year-old me used to get up to and mother not even noticing. Phew! I guess parentally-enforced bedtimes are just to give said guardians a quiet reprieve from their hyperactive brats. Charmed, I’m sure. My mother didn’t quite get that I was never going to be as rebellious as my provocative eldest brother, nor as passive as my middle brother.

I just wanted to be left alone to read, write, draw, or play “action movie” with my eclectic set of random toys.

I’ve never been as enamoured with Cinema Paradiso as, well, everyone else on the planet. I watch it every now and then to try and work out why my reaction is different. My best assumption being that I’m let down by the second half, wherein little Salvatore AKA Cutest Kid Ever TM, grows up to be a flawlessly handsome twink, rather than a dour nerd who shuffles about the place in the shadows. I remember thinking on my first viewing: “Is this supposed to be the same kid?!”. I just didn’t buy it. From what I can tell by casually witnessing such pretty people floating throughout society, adolescent/adult Salvatore, in reality, would surely never know hardship.

I’m not bitter.

A more offbeat-looking actor would have been better. See below photograph of grotesque teenage me, complete with practice camcorder for a filmmaking career that never happened, as a prime example of such a nerd. Still, Cinema Paradiso works, for this viewer at least, as a sweet short film about the platonic love between a bright-eyed street urchin and lonely old man, as I tend to tune out once the narrative skips forward a decade or so.

I find the above shot striking for its sparse production design and sudden appearance from a tight close-up, with the viewer unable not to notice the hypnotic actress offset to one side. I’m less impressed by the nostalgia in the film, even though I’m currently distracted by such movies, and more by the recreation of its period. I mean, what a big fucking pain in the arse that must’ve been! Saying that, there probably are still towns out there frozen in time like this, so perhaps the producers didn’t have to do all that much to establish time and place.

Personally, I’ve never been a fan of going to the cinema, which is why Cinema Paradiso’s charm is slightly lost on me. Not only are cinemas intimidating places due to my nyctalopia, or “night blindness”, but also crowded social settings where you and complete strangers are awkwardly crammed next to each other. I’ve always felt incredibly vulnerable in such situations, with certain tragic events in recent history not helping this feeling.

And, yes, I am referring to The Minecraft Movie’s “chicken jockey” meme/trend/bollocks.

Maybe in the next life my body and brain will get things right, so that I’ll be able to immerse myself in what everybody else loves about Cinema Paradiso.

Just not this time. Not this time.

Basically, it’s a film everybody loves because it is without fault, with my ambivalence to it being for the same reason. I’m just a contrarian prick like that.

Do stay in touch, darlings.

Toodles!