At bloody last!
Life has a nasty way of getting in the way of my sitting around experiencing nerd stuff, no more so than in the last couple of months. How dare it! I expressly told the world outside: “I’m done with being an active member of society, so just leave me alone and let me watch vintage Japanese monster movies in peace!”. Simple enough instructions, huh?
Or so you’d think!
While nothing that alarming has befallen me, as yet, my body and brain has conspired to distract me from my true calling in life: reviewing the Gamera series of kaiju invasion epics. Well, I seem to now be having something of a slight reprieve from all the drama, therefore here I sit, at 4 am in my disgusting man-cave, firing up the Showa Era boxset of giant, flying, spinning turtle movies.
Just as nature intended.
GAMERA VS. GYAOS (1967)
Opening with a conference and a work dispute, respectively, things initially don’t look good. If it weren’t for the inclusion of a genuinely-impressive model volcano eruption and Gamera’s heroic intervention, your average viewer would probably give up early doors. The filmmaking in Gyaos is very stark, almost like an industrial training video. The warm, golden glow of Barugon has been replaced with a very washed-out palette. I’m fine with this, as at least it’s something different. Western films from that era tend to date themselves very quickly, whereas Gyaos could have been released last week and you’d struggle to notice. These films are timeless. Soon after the opening, we get a scene that wouldn’t fly in this day an age: a young boy ventures with a strange man into a dark cave. I guess it was the 60s. At least the tubbywubby brat probably wouldn’t interest even the most dedicated offender. Too much? Just a bit of dark humour, folks, settle down. The original Japanese voice of this kid is like fingers down a blackboard though, so I wish he had gotten permanently lost in said cave. It’s also implied that he has a psychic connection to an extra terrestrial turtle, which can now be treated with antipsychotic medication. I’m still not sure what the point of the whole construction site strike subplot is, except to have the titular monsters wrecking a model set that didn’t involve civilian casualties. Meh. Not very exciting, that. At least flat-top Gyaos has a more memorable look to it, as I wouldn’t be able to pick Barugon out of a lineup. Ha! Can you imagine?! Gamera’s close-ups aren’t very flattering, with it often looking like a paper mache sculpture a schoolchild made in class. While being rushed. After not sleeping properly. Drunk. Gyaos’ attacks on the adorable model vehicles are impressive though, with my exclaiming: “Wow! How cool!” quite regularly. CGI remakes of these moments would look better, sure, but they would leave me cold. Saying that, the bit where the scientists try to spin Gyaos to death is an unintentional laugh-out-loud moment. At least they never stop trying rational approaches to their giant monster problem, not once resorting to grovelling on their knees to an invisible space wizard who isn’t there. You know, like what happens in The Exorcist. In general, the model sequences are lit beautifully, clashing with the John Carpenter-flatness of the human elements. I’m guessing these were filmed by a different unit. I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t be. The ultimate themes of the movie, based on my watching it without using the English dub or subtitles, seem to be about finding a humane solution to your kaiju problems and enjoying what really matters in life. If I’m wrong, then hey-ho. I’m comfortable with my wilful ignorance. While little to no artistry is present in Gamera vs. Gyaos, it certainly is a solid entry into this and any series. I wouldn’t mind a Gamera vs. Sex and the City, wouldn’t you?! Although I suppose there are quite a few terrifying monsters in that show already.
GAMERA VS. VIRAS (1968)
Golly, I had three choices with this one: original cut, director’s cut, extended US cut! I went with the middle option as, well, I don’t really know why. Perhaps because of some loyalty to the spirit of the artistic ego. Who knows. If I chose poorly, as some grail-guarding knights would put it, then do let me know. Anyway, from beneath the waves to outer space, this one has it all! I like that nobody on Earth, or above, is surprised to see Gamera anymore. In fact, the giant, flying, spinning turtle is now a rather playful creature, complete with its own chirpy theme song. Aww. The size of Gamera seems to bounce around considerably too, which will only annoy those bothered by continuity errors and/or without the ability to suspend their disbelief. Poor souls. Early on, we are subjected to a 10-minute recap of the first three films, presumably to pad the runtime out, which did not bode well. I was actually concerned these moments would be the rest of the movie, and my writing this post scene-by-scene, rather than waiting until the very end like usual, would be embarrassingly revealed! But, fortunately, things eventually move on from this laborious clip show. I try not to make a habit of including a plot synopsis in my reviews, as nowadays they’re easy enough to look up for yourselves, but I’ll give it a go just this once: two mischievous boy scouts go for a joyride in an experimental submersible, then Viras shows up and fights Gamera. Did I get it right? The twist, if you can call it that, this time is that the main threat is actually from an alien spacecraft, which kidnaps the two boys for reasons I forgot to care about. I appreciated the weird design of the spacecraft actually, which is basically six stripy beach balls with nipples on them stuck to a coat hanger. It’s unique, I’ll give it that! I’m gonna go ahead and assume the ship is from Gamera’s home planet out for revenge, or maybe it’s piloted by interplanetary game hunters with a very big trophy wall to hang Gamera’s shell on. Again, I find guessing half the fun. Actually, a few scenes later, I’m leaning more towards the extra terrestrials being Gamera’s original handlers, who have come to retrain Gamera back to his/her/nonconformist first film destructive ways. Yeah, that makes a bit more “sense”. Needless to say, the boy scouts foil the aliens’ plot and escape the spacecraft by undertaking a Krypton Factor puzzle, all with 10-minutes to spare so that Viras can finally show up and have a climactic punch-up with Gamera. I was legitimately thrilled by this last minute fight, paying proper attention to one of these sequences for the first time in four movies. Hopefully it has gained much-deserved geek-cred over the years. There’s a little more artistry in Gamera vs. Viras, with the goings on being so potty that I just couldn’t look away. Certainly a fun alternative to the previous film’s sober disposition.
Well, that’s enough disaster porn for one post. I hope you’ve enjoyed this, as I’m enjoying watching these movies. They have their problems, sure, but they’re so good-natured that you’d have to be a pretty dour human being not to be enchanted by their silliness.
After my initial indecision over the matter, there clearly will now be four of these posts, which I’m fine with. Oh and I also need to continue going through the Hesei series as well, but I’ll do that as and when I can be arsed.
That’s the spirit, huh?
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
