Well, now I can say I’ve done that.
Since the dawn of time, mankind has asked: what would it be like if you combined angular pre-World War II art deco and shabby post-Summer of Love flamboyance? Then the universe gave us Olivia Newton-John, keen to produce a multi-million dollar love letter to herself, and our question was finally answered.
I’ve had this Blu-ray tucked away for a couple of years now, unable to pick the right time to watch it. Then again, waiting until you’re in the right mood to watch an Olivia Newton-John movie is like waiting to be in the right mood to watch a film about genocide - you’ll never be, so you may as well just do it.
If you’ve ever found yourself debating whether to watch Annie Hall or Tron, then Xanadu’s the film for you! Who knows what it’s about, but, saying that, most musicals are pretty incoherent anyway. I mean, does anyone truly know what The Rocky Horror Picture Show is about?! I’ll be damned if I know. But, according to a few episodes of American Dad, this is one of Roger Smith’s favourite things ever, so, what with being a sexually-ambiguous, alcoholic shut-in myself, I felt I had to experience it.
All I knew about Xanadu ahead of time was that it’s a box-office-bomb-turned-camp-cult-classic. Lots of hyphens there. I’ve also heard the title song before, as we all have, but always assumed it was an ABBA number. Which says a lot about the film’s music overall. If you like ABBA and Queen, then you’re in the right place!
The film is shot with so much soft-focus that I genuinely thought my cataracts were returning at one point. That’s the late-1070s for you, I guess. There really isn’t much else to say about the filmmaking, which is predominantly basic point-and-shoot stuff. There’s more thought put into a studio-based sitcom.
The story meanders to life in a rather un-engaging way, setting up a story about art coming to life, or something. While Newton-John literally plays a figure from Greek mythology, she’s really just meant to be the spirit of music or creativity or some such bollocks. Who knows. Still, her usual otherworldly-strangeness works well in this instance, although this doesn’t prevent much of her reading of the dialogue being hilarious.
I was expecting Gene Kelly to have little more than an extended cameo, but no, surprisingly he’s a pivotal part of the whole thing. He also has more energy, in his senior years, than the dull kids around him. Goodness knows what must have been going through his mind as he sat through one excruciating scene after another.
What a pro.
Xanadu is charming enough however, and certainly worthy of its cult status. I’ll probably just listen to the soundtrack in future, rather than watching the film itself again. But you never know. There isn’t quite enough visual panache to interest me, and the dialogue is bogged down in endless exposition. It actually all feels like a Star Wars prequel, if I’m honest.
The final musical medley is catastrophically wrong-footed, although we do get to hear “Xanadu” again. Newton-John even sports Lindsay Lohan’s favourite hairdo for it.
Right, time for some much-deserved dizzy water.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
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