What is one to say?
Yes, indeed.
What?!
Critters 4 can be forgiven for being set in outer space, as that series always did have a science fiction bent to it. But Friday the 13th?! I can only imagine fans of the franchise and slasher movies in general were greatly upset with Jason X. But, hey, where else do you go with the “story” of Jason Voorhees? After stalking a small town, stalking a small town, stalking a small town, stalking a small town, stalking a small town, stalking a small town, stalking a small town, stalking a cruise ship, and stalking a small town, the producers at New Line Cinema decided it was time for a change. So, I guess, where else do you go but up?!
Welcome to my review for Jason… in Spaaace!
It was actually a nice treat to end on this one, as I am a confirmed sci-fi movie geek through-and-through. I’m not great with science fiction on the written page, where it tends to be quite dry, but most of my favourite films are to be found in said genre. While I faintly wept for heartbroken horror nerds everywhere, I chuckled wryly to myself as I thoroughly enjoyed this strange cross-between Aliens and Star Trek.
The plot is as predictable as you can imagine, once you’re told the above “Jason in Space” meta-title. The hulking, immortal mass-murderer is cryogenically frozen, after killing a bunch of scientists nobody thought to check up on when they failed to return home at night. Oh well, let’s just ignore that massive plot hole, shall we? Unfrozen in the future, on a massive spaceship, Jason proceeds to, well, do what he’s always done. Only this time… in spaaace!
Good grief.
I’ll be keeping the Jason X disc to one side for future guilty-pleasure viewing, as it is sci-fi action pornography at its most gloriously-average. The cast is trying way harder than they should. The crew is also trying way harder than they should. And the screenwriter… erm… thought they were clever as all hell. You know a film’s dialogue is bad, when you quite reasonably say to yourself: ”Wow, this sounds like the sort of thing I would write!”.
And not in a good way.
But everyone involved seems to be having a blast, so there’s a great spirit to the silly goings on. Characters even get dispatched simply because they frustratingly stop for a casual one-liner. Oh and this means you’ll also find yourself shouting: “Just go!” at the screen quite a few times. It’s like nothing matters and they’re all just glad to be involved. Which is nice. But weird.
On the downside, the law of diminishing returns sets in from the first scene. We know Jason can’t be killed, so why should we be interested in people trying to kill him? He’s just gonna get up and keep going. Over and over and over again. Sigh. I definitely started to glaze over once characters began running around like kids in a fairground haunted house. But, alas, I was charmed by the film’s overall good-naturedness, the genuine camaraderie between our heroes, and the surprisingly-solid production design and set-pieces.
The film also manages to be titillating without resorting to sexual violence, or the threat thereof. Well, unless you count the clever holodeck recreation of Crystal Lake and its topless denizens. I think many cinema goers were relieved once a new generation of screenwriters took over b-movies in general and found better ways to offer up gratuitous nudity. You know, without the actors and viewers and everyone feeling uncomfortable. Saying that, there was one awkward sex scene where a character is called both a “naughty little boy” and “daddy” in the heat of passion. If you’re going to role-play, at least get your fantasy straight!
Just shoddy writing.
I’m sure, to keen-eyed viewers, the special effects are terrible, but they looked fine to me. Thanks to the even sci-fi lighting setups, I was actually able to see some of the kills this time. FYI my favourite was the one where a woman gets her head frozen in carbonite and shattered into a million pieces. If you move things into the future, you better have futuristic deaths! The spunky fembot is a highlight too, as is her upgraded-self’s cocky showdown with Jason.
Jason X provided me with the most fun I’ve had this entire series, which has been something of a miserable slog. This tenth instalment is big, dumb, loud, and lots of fun. It also proves that David Cronenberg is a jolly good sport. Now I can sit back and be glad I’m finally free of Friday the 13th! And, no, I won’t be doing Freddy vs. Jason, which I consider a spin-off, kinda like Alien Resurrection.
I hope y’all have a fun Halloween! I’m not into it myself (what with being dead inside), but I certainly don’t besmirch others for getting involved.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
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