The Pit Ponies

I thought I best attempt to write this now, while my mind is racing, otherwise I may never find peace.

By some bizarre twist of fate, YouTube just recommended to me a profile of song recordings I made between 2008 and 2011. They are of amateurish quality, especially my own “singing” voice, but I had no idea that they still existed. Most significantly, two of the songs contain the voice of my ex-girlfriend, who sadly passed away three years ago from heart failure. One track was recorded on ProTools in 2008 at my previous home in Huntingdon, while the other was recorded live by someone else at a music festival in 2011.

I do not know what algorithm or what-have-you drove YouTube to point me in the direction of my old YouTube account, an account which I forgot even existed, but it instantly sent a chill down my spine.

AS YOU RUN OUT OF YOUR LIES

Surely not something you should get your girlfriend to sing, but I’ve never been that bright. She was my first long-term partner, so I was a bit clueless about such things. This fact, I believe, is a fair excuse for my stupidity. I remember really struggling with the mix on this song, as I was still learning how to use the technology and even approach mixing conceptually. Basically, what was in the left pan worked better in the right, and visa versa. I initially recorded it without any vocals at all, but it did exist in my head as a completed song with lyrics. Then my new girlfriend stayed over one weekend and showed interest in recording something. As became commonplace, her enthusiasm waned the second I called her bluff. Still, we got it done in only a few takes and she seemed happy with the results. It was the track I used to try starting our little career as a musical duo act, which she named “The Pit Ponies”. Our act obviously did not get off the ground, mostly due to my lack of confidence. My other strong memory of this song is playing it in a songwriting group that met in Hillsborough, where, halfway through, the little girl of one of the other songwriters started singing along. This, as one may presume, encouraged me somewhat.

SOFT LIGHT

This was recorded at a city-wide music festival in Sheffield, around the summer of 2011. It was billed as an “open mic session”, but actually seemed to draw much more precessional musicians. I was sort of annoyed that I had been lured into such a situation, as my confidence and skills certainly were not there by that stage. You could argue they still are not. I just wanted to play amongst other amateurs. I was even more embarrassed when, after positing the video on Facebook, a tactless soul simply cemented “Oops” underneath. Sigh. I only realised at the last minute that the song accidentally contained religious symbolism, thus had to race to rewrite the lyrics and get my girlfriend to learn them before the performance started. Up until now, I really had rather this recording no longer exist, but, since it features the only other recording of a voice that is no longer on this Earth, I couldn’t help but feel the need to share it one last time.

Well, that’s that. I have not dared to listen back to these recordings myself, as I am not emotionally ready. Perhaps I will in the coming weeks. Who knows. So, basically, if what I have described is not there, then please let me know. I will not be testing the links tonight.

For Anna, My Soulmate