AKA the name of my fantasy recording studio and where I post my amateur opinions and feelings regarding music equipment. I cannot stress the word “amateur” enough, so please do not expect the musings of a smug hipster YouTube playing sensation. Dictionary term. I’m not a session musician, have never been in a band, have only worked in a recording studio briefly as part of a training program, and find the whole process of sound engineering incredibly stressful. Everyone does, of course, and I believe it’s actually what finally broke up Supergrass.
When that red light goes on, your nerves tend to skyrocket.
I’m also not a practical or technical person, having once burst into tears after being asked to simply fold a piece of paper. True story. If it doesn’t involve getting drunk or masturbating or both, I am next to useless. I suppose you could describe these posts as cathartic therapy for a person who hasn’t got a clue about technology and is happy to admit it.
I haven’t written one of these in a whopping six years, with the previous transmission being found here, so please accept that fact as an excuse for such a prolonged introduction. Or reintroduction. I don’t have a great reason why I’ve not written one in so long, but it was perhaps to do with my briefly moving over to video game streaming, rather than blogging or podcasting. But writing is where my heart is. It is also where I come at with regards to playing guitar. I don’t have the playing confidence or connections to even start/join a band, let alone the interest in laboriously learning other artists’ songs. So, instead, I spend my time practicing chords and scales, which I then attempt to record and post.
Since my old guitar guru/ex-colleague finally had enough of my eccentric behaviour a couple of years ago and wisely decided to phase me out of his life (not being the only one), I’ve struggled to find interest in guitar playing in general. Not that my entire interest in the instrument rested on his ginger shoulders, but losing yet another friend did upset me deeply, so I simply couldn’t face playing anymore. No longer did I have someone to talk to about the instrument itself, the amplifiers one plays them through, and their peripheral, but completely optional, effects pedals.
Once again, in a very wearisome life of mental illness, I was completely alone.
I wish I could break up this maudlin monologue with the grand announcement that some great epiphany has befallen me, but it hasn’t really. I’ve just been slowly nudging my way back to playing for a few weeks now, suddenly noticing the guitar parts in songs I’ve been listening to and thinking: “Hmm, I wonder if I can recreate that interesting tone!”.
I always have an acoustic to hand, so it’s not like I’ve not been playing at all, but it has been rather forced, often only happening when my mind is spinning uncomfortably in the night. I am something of a lifelong insomniac, after all. Playing guitar is one of the few things that quell the tide of what I call “adrenaline seizures”. Or making a sandwich helps. To be honest, having an interest in all the bollocks that comes along for the ride when playing the electric guitar is no life for a lazy arse like myself, so the thought of having to dig back out all the leads and pedals and power packs and linking them together and humping and dumping instrument cases and amplifiers hurts my face, so I have been putting it off.
Like most chores I have to face in life, as clinical depression and work do not mix.
The key ingredient to me finally attempting to start playing electrics again arrived when I had to tidy up a bit last month. You see, the council housing people, who badger their tenants constantly, wanted to come in and look at something or another. Fuck knows what. This spring cleaning, if you will, meant I could actually get in and out of my music nook (pictured below) again, without fear of injury or being attacked by something living in there.
Which is where we come to the first item on today’s transmission…
ROLAND JAZZ CHORUS 22
The only thing I did yesterday, in terms of setting up, was to pick out an amplifier. After all, I am just taking baby-steps here. With feeling the need for a fresh start, I wanted a different model to the Fender Bassbreaker that’d been sat there, collecting dust, for two years. They’ve all been collecting dust, of course, but I’m speaking more metaphorically. As well as literally. The Bassbreaker has been staring at me longingly and asking why I’ve not been using it, so I needed that built-up guilt swept away. So out came the Roland Jazz Chorus 22! It’s an amp that’s far too loud for my needs, but dammit if it doesn’t just look so cool! Vintage cool at that, which is the best kind of cool. You’ll hear me saying such things a lot, as many of my purchases have been made because the item “looked cool”. Not enough musicians admit to that. The Jazz Chorus has only been on rotation once, and needed a microscope and tweezers to nudge the volume up a microscopic amount. Probably up to 0.000001. Not very Spinal Tap, but I am in a flat with paper-thin walls. I usually go for 5 to 10 watt amps, so this 22 watt is really pushing it and my clean antisocial behaviour record. The second reason I bought it originally was for its stereo speaker system. While I don’t have many, I do have a few stereo effects pedals that haven’t been used to their full potential yet. Even though I haven’t been playing electrics lately, I still keep an eye out for interesting looking pedals to buy, so I have a couple of “new” ones (bought a year ago and still never plugged in) that are due a road test, most notably…
NEO INSTRUMENTS VENTILATOR II
A very fancy rotary speaker simulator, the likes of which I’ve been dying for. Golly do I love the sound of a guitar played through a vintage Leslie speaker! If I lived in a bigger property, I would surely buy an original. But I don’t. I live here, therefore a pedal is the best I can and will ever do. Alas! Oh well, that’s life. I get the feeling this baby will require some user manual reading, which is always like pulling teeth. I’m very much a “plug and play” kinda gal. So, after the end of this sentence, I shall go off and try to figure out how the hell to use it before the start of the next sentence. No such luck. The lights are on, but nobody’s home. I keep pressing buttons and twiddling knobs, but to no avail! I think it’s RTFM time, which is a prospect I loath. I guess I’ll have to post an update on my next transmission.
THE RAT KING
At least, that’s what I call the box in my music nook filled with guitar leads and power leads and mic leads and AC adapters and tremolo arms and headphones and Christmas tree lights and every other pain-in-the-arse bollocks that loves to get tangled up. But I’m not stressed or anything. Fortunately, I managed to dig out enough instrument leads to connect up two stereo pedals and feed them into a stereo amplifier. This has been Day 3 of setting things up, and I’m already exhausted. Tomorrow will involve actually connecting the pedals to the amp and then, dare I say it, turning stuff on! NOTE: I have yet to finish writing the above paragraph on the Ventilator II. Think positive thoughts for me, people!
MARSHALL BLUES BREAKER PEDAL
This was another purchase made during my recent quiet phase. I have spent more money on Marshall amp emulators than a sane person reasonably should. I do not know why I do it. I’m not even a big fan of Marshall amplifiers. In face, I don’t even own one. Perhaps that’s why I have the biggest collection of Marshall emulators in the universe. Who knows. Anyway, this appears to be a vintage model, as the knobs are very flimsy and cheap. Bless. Still, I’ve gotten it to work and it sounds nice at low gain. High gain has a very scooped middle (you know, when it sounds “fizzy”), but I’ll try rolling the single tone knob back to tidy that up. Oh yeah, I’ve actually started playing! Today was the big day, and I only had half-an-hour left until the 11 pm cutoff for loud domestic noise in the United Kingdom. The switch-on wasn’t aided by playing my cheap Casino, which appears to have dodgy wiring and keeps breaking up, therefore it was difficult for me to figure out whether I had loose cables or it was the instrument malfunctioning. Sigh. Simply picking out a different guitar would have been sensible, but… you know. Effort.
So, there we have it! It’s taken me four frigging days to get things working again. I legitimately have no idea why it’s taken me this long. I have just started rehab for alcoholism, at last, so perhaps that’s been on my mind somewhat. At least I have a functioning music nook to keep me busy now and off the dreaded bottle!
As with my movie marathon posts, this has been a “living” document, in that I’ve written a bit, gone off and done something else, then come back and added more. As mentioned above, it’s been a post four days in the making, but subsequent transmissions may very well be quicker, or even longer. I’ll just write until I feel like I’ve finished. Finished what, exactly?! I have no idea about that either.
Perhaps I shall organise my thoughts and post structure better for the next transmission, or just leave it in this casual/chaotic format. What dost thou reckon?
I shall have a think.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
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