Believe me when I tell you, patient reader, that I am indeed attempting to procure the Showa series of Gamera films directly from its UK distributor, but, for reasons that elude and exhaust me, their website will not accept my valid payment method. Perhaps they feel they are too good for my pathetic money. Sigh. I shall give them a call in the morning, although the prospect of such tiresome personal admin only serves to exasperate me further.
So, yes, I’m currently in a great mood.
I am writing these opening paragraphs before I actually begin watching the second in Heisei’s 1990s-2000s Gamera revival. The first was and is (I’m very unsure of which tense to use when talking about cultural artefacts) one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced. And I’ve sat through Ron Howard’s embarrassing The Da Vinci Code movie. In the cinema. But, since I sometimes find myself a forgiving soul, I thought I’d at least attempt one more instalment, before deciding whether or not to give up and put the boxset on my dusty shelf for good.
You never know, maybe Gamera himself, or herself, gave the producers a jolly good talking to and “encouraged” them to up their game.
Or maybe I’m just making up nonsense.
As an additional element of suspense, the weather has gotten so hot here again in South Yorkshire, and I’ve felt so down the last few days, that I intend to fall off the wagon over the weekend. I’ve put in a booze-filled shopping order for delivery tomorrow, but, should Attack of Legion be an improvement, maybe I’ll take it all off. If not, then I’ll be vanishing from military radar, kaiju-style, for a few days.
Actually, that may come as a reward to some.
So, with that grim alcoholic roulette on the table, let us see what is what…
Three.
Two.
One.
Oh this is much better! Gamera 2: Attack of Legion actually feels like a proper film, and not just a perfunctory attempt to retain the series’ flagging copyright. Damn, I really wanted that drink too!
We even get characters with emotions this time, instead of carefully positioned department store mannequins. Which is always a plus. Our plucky, girl-next-door heroine is just adorable. I think she’s a scientist. Or a reporter. Or both. You know, a “science correspondent”. Whatever she does, you want so bad to see her succeed. She’s intelligent and capable, but doesn’t have the false-confidence of someone who finds it easy to get work out there. Basically, she’s a true nerd.
There’s a chance I may have fallen in love.
I’m not sure what all the snow in the film is about, but perhaps there were tremendous tax breaks for the production if they shot during the winter months. Goodness forbid a lucrative industry contributes financially to the society that feeds it. Or maybe the snow setting was actually in the script and I’m just being a cynical dick. I didn’t think Japan even got snow, although I may very well be confusing it with Australia.
It must be all the kangaroos.
I’m trying desperately not to keep starting sentences with the phrase “there’s”, but I am finding it tricky.
Anyway…
There’s little-to-no stock footage this time around, in fact we get actual military vehicles shot for this production. If they’re models, then I’ll still take that a hundred-thousand-million times over crappy stock footage. Is that a billion?! I don’t do numbers. We get loads of expensive-looking sets and locations too! Even a real airport terminal, albeit clearly shot at 3 am when no bugger’s about. It all just feels like somebody cared, which is a vast contrast to The Guardian of the Universe’s disgraceful apathy.
The music score doesn’t feel like a backing track found on a keyboard either, as echos of the late Michael Kamen waft about. It’s great! It cheered me up no end to hear some nice music. Actually, even the sound design is well put together and mixed. At one point, I genuinely braced myself in my armchair as an epic rumbling hit my ears.
This time around, the cinematography actually has colour and depth to it. The first film was in colour, sure, but it was so washed-out that one could assume, quite fairly, that it was shot on a cheap digital camcorder. It may very well have been, to be honest. No horrible details about that bastard of a film would surprise me. We even get a few “Wow!” moments in Attack of Legion, including one great shot of Gamera being engulfed by a firestorm amidst a classic model cityscape.
There was no joy like that in The Guardian of the Universe.
Here and there, small creepy crawlies lurk about the place, much to my phobic aversion. Thankfully though, they’re all bathed in so much darkness that my nyctalopia made it impossible for me to make any visual sense of them. Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t be thanking the disability that makes life a trial for me every second of every day. Still, I only had to suffer their squeaks and scuttles, not their yucky appearance.
So, yes, I think we’re about at the end of this review. It says something that I wish to go on praising this cute little film, but I think I’ve done a good enough job for a foreign language film I chose not to utilise the subtitles or English dub on.
Please, please, please skip over The Guardian of the Universe and jump straight to Attack of Legion. It’s a genuine treat for your eyes and ears and soul. I had absolutely no-bloody-idea what was going on, but I still had an absolute blast! Surely the hallmark of good trash cinema.
I even bopped along merrily to the exit music!
I may still get wasted tomorrow though. I’m a drunk, not a person who finds it easy not drinking. I guess only time will tell.
Do stay in touch, darlings.
Toodles!
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